


What Life Was Left Frozen

by Aimandfire (orphan_account)



Category: Lego Ninjago
Genre: Angst, Computers, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, Injury Recovery, Insomnia, Light Angst, Major Character Injury, Other, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-22
Updated: 2019-11-22
Packaged: 2021-02-17 23:49:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21518461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Aimandfire
Summary: After returning from the frozen realm Zane is swimming in guilt. He needs some help and many people are willing to give it, even if he refuses to ask.
Relationships: P.I.X.A.L./Zane (Ninjago)
Kudos: 49





	What Life Was Left Frozen

The view from the monastery wall was beautiful. The sun set hours ago replaced by the cold moon. Zane took a breath in the cold winter air, content that this was the view he was going to die with. Somehow that thought pleased him. It was his home. After his father Julian erased his memory it was the only place he knew. Even after regaining his memories the lab really wasn't a home either, especially after his father passed. And the ice realm…. Best not mention that.

Everyone else is content with pretending it didn't happen, or at least that Zane wasn't at fault. For the longest time Zane kept analyzing their motivations, expecting some sort of manipulation, some other motivation from his brothers and sisters.

It was quite jarring when he realized that wasn't the case. That his team truly cared. That no one held him at fault for what happened, even though it was his fault. It was a stark reminder that his team was good and pure. Something he wasn't anymore. Zame spent a decade as a cruel tyrant with almost unlimited power. Their was no making it up to them, no matter how often his brothers and sisters pretended it was all back to normal, that Zane was still good. And as much as he wanted that to be true, Zane knew he was too far gone.

Tonight he was going to make amends. Looking out to the clouds, the fall would certainly kill him. Good. He didn't want to be patched up by Jay or Pixals. He didn't even want them to find his body. He wanted them to just forget he existed, to find someone new. He was a tool. Tools can be replaced. All he was doing tonight was getting rid of a useless tool.

Or he would have, until he heard Pixals sweet voice, an irresistible sirens call that he couldn't ignore if he wanted to.

"Zane, my love, are you coming to bed soon?" He didn't want anyone to see. He knew it would upset them. Pixals especially. She loved him as he loved her. Zane didn't understand why, for she was beautiful, intelligent, kind, and warm. She was perfect. Zane was nothing like her. Cold, weird, rash, no she deserved better. She would find someone new when he left, someone better. Yet it would still upset her. Zane may be cruel but he would never do that to her.

"Of course Pixals" Zane grunted as he jumped from the wall to the training ground. "The view is quite pretty tonight, don't you think so? Almost as pretty as you?" Pixal lets out a cute laugh as she blushes before leading Zane back to bed.

Despite being a robot Pixal always had a warmth to her. Curled up tight in Zane's arms he could only appreciate the beauty of it all, unwilling to put himself in a dream state. He could try to move but their was too high a risk of waking Pixal who was sleeping so peacefully. Besides Zane was too selfish. He wanted more time with her, more time wrapped in her arms. He'd take care of it tomorrow, he promised to himself.

However the next day his Kai and Nya were training late. They invited Zane to join, but he refused. Ten years of practice made him much stronger than his brothers and sister, and he wasn't about to risk hurting them. He also wasn't convinced he had control of his powers, having not used them since leaving the ice realm, relying purely on his combat skill when he had to fight.

He waited patiently for them to leave but Pixal dragged him to bed again, wrapping her arms around him before putting herself in sleep mode. Watching her sleep he had an opportunity to think. Zane himself might be useless but parts of him could still be used. Mainly his power core. While he had only half Pixal had the other half. Imagine how strong she would be if she had both halves? He'd have to talk to Cyrus Borg the next morning.

Zane texted around dinner time, when everyone else was eating. He didn't need as much food as everyone else, if any at all. And he's been making it a habit of skipping meals lately so no one would be suspicious.

'Hello Borg, how are you today'

'Zane! So good to hear from you. Please call me Cyrus you're practically family. Now how have you been? How is my daughter? Were both very glad to have you back'

Although Zane didn't understand his cheery mood he texted back with matching excitement.

'I'm doing well, although I have a few questions about my power source. Do you think you could answer them?'

I'd be happy to help Zane. However Jay might know more, he's more familiar with your tech'

'It's a simple question, and I can't ask Jay right now. How long can my reserve power last, if the main core was taken out?'

‘Oh about six hours with light activity, and maybe four with all the fighting you do. I’d be careful. Don’t remove it all willy-nilly, you could easily get damaged'

'Oh I'll be careful Cyrus. Now you know Pixal has one half, would she be compatible with both. Would it increase her performance?'

'Well I suppose, but Zane why are you asking?'

'I don't want it to go to waste'

'Hang on' Cyrus texted back as Zane's phone started to ring, the geniuses face appearing on the screen. Zane picked it up.

"Hello Cyrus. You didn't have to call."

"I fear I did. Zane why are you asking all these questions? It's concerning."

"I just don't want my parts to go to waste, that's all. She can use the core to power herself."

"Yes I got that, but why won't you be using it?" Zane wasn't prepared for anyone to figure it out, by Cyrus is a genius so he shouldn't have been surprised. Perhaps he could explain it, Cyrus is the smartest person he knows. It wouldn't be too hard to convince him what he is doing is the best for everyone.

"Cyrus, I can explain everything. I trust you won't get upset like the others would be inclined to do. But you have to trust me, and not tell any of them what I am about to tell them. Are you willing to do so?"

"If no one is going to get hurt, then yes, I won't tell anyone."

"Good. Thank you, are you aware of what happened in the ice realm? Of what I did?"

"Oh Zane… You know it's not your fault, right son?"

"Cyrus, your a smart person. You know that's untrue. You don't need to make me feel better. I know I failed my purpose. I froze people in coffins, left them to die. I was made to protect. Now I'm defective. Their are many others that can do my job much better, Pixals is one of them. She doesn't need me to drag her down. I'm going to get rid of myself, but I wish to leave her with what I can." Cyrus made a sort of despite sound, before responding with a panicked voice.

"Zane what, that's suicide! What are you thinking! Are you alone right now? Is anyone there with you?"

"I'm in my room. Why are you upset"

Cyrus made a garbling desperate sound "WHY AM I UPSET! ZANE YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT SUICIDE!"

"It's merely the most logical conclusion. And suicide is the wrong word. I am not human. I have no life to end. I am a failed tool. A new one is needed. That simple." Cyrus was quite for a long time before responding.

"Zane think about this. If you don't have a life what about Pixal? Is she just some tool?"

"You're trying to rile me up. We both know the difference."

"Why do you think it's so necessary to end your life Zane? Do you know how much you'll hurt Pixal?"

"She'll be better off without me. Your daughter is amazing and she'll find someone stronger. Me getting rid of myself is the most logical thing to do. You're smart enough to figure that out. It's completely logical"

"Zane… Let me ask another question. Do you feel guilty over what happened?" Zane was taken off guard by his question, yet responded with ferver.

"Of course! Even I'm not that heartless!"

"I see… How guilty do you feel Zane? Have you been eating? Sleeping? Talking to the other ninja?"

"Well no to all of that. I'm not sure how to answer the first question though. Why does any of this matter?"

"If you feel that guilty then maybe your logic isn't as sound as you think. You're not immune to emotion yourself. Is anyone around? Can I talk to someone else?" At that Zane's heart dropped.

"You said you wouldn't tell anyone"

"I said if no one was going to get hurt. You're clearly a danger to yourself. Get someone else on the line. You need help." The feeling of betrayal rang through him, along with rage.

"Goodbye Cyrus"

"Zane wait-" Zane hung the phone up in rage, but immediately guilt took over. That was the last thing he would ever say to him.

Then he heard Pixals phone ring. Looking on the screen it showed Cyrus's face again. Seeing it as a second chance, he picked the phone up.

"Oh thank god! Pixal I need you to-"

"It's me."

"Oh Zane. Do you want to talk?" He asked awkwardly.

"Sorta. I just didn't want that to be the last thing I said to you."

"Zane please, let me talk to someone else." Zane ignored his pleas and continued.

"You've done so much for me. I don't know how to thank you. I'm not good at goodbyes. I don't really know how to end this."

"Don't! Don't end it. Give the phone to someone else, please!"

"Goodbye Cyrus. You mean to me. Tell Pixal I love her." Then he hung up.

It was beautiful outside. The moon shone brightly in the sky. Everyone else was inside as the moon shone brightly. His power core was left on his and Pixal's desk. With Cyrus knowing he couldn't give up again. Tonight was the night. He would just spend a few minutes looking at the moon, up on the wall.

Suddenly something was wrong. Distantly Zane heard yelling but he was more concerned that he couldn't move. Completely paralyzed. Jays lightning surrounded him, taking control. Fighting it only had him falling over the wrong side, to the monastery.

He saw faces around. Panicked and familiar. Then his eyes landed on Pixal, who was crying. Zane couldn't bear it. Before anyone could reach him he opened his chest and started to tear at the wires.

Nothing mattered. Not Pixals screams nor all the malfunction warnings, nor how loopy he was feeling. "I can't hurt you again!" He yelled as he tore out a final blue wire.

Zane forgot his own name. He forgot the people around, or what he was doing. Only blank faces were swarming him, saying things he didn't recognize, and he couldn't feel his legs. They swarmed him, the blank faces grabbing his arms and legs, not letting go no matter how he fought. Completely helpless as one started messing with his wires. He tried to scream but couldn't as the blank face attached the wires together.

Everything was recognizable now. Jay messing with his wires, Cole holding his left arm while Nya held his right and both Kai and Lloyd holding his legs. He flailed, hus purpose suddenly clear as Pixal handed Jay his power core.

"Stop stop! That's for Pixal! What are you doing! Stop!" As Jay brought the core closer he flailed, not letting him put it back.

"Damn it. Zane stop fighting me, I'm trying to help!"

"No Jay, let me die!"

"He's not in his right mind. Move him to the med bay, Sensei is setting it up." Jay commanded as the ninja lifted him up and forcefully dragged him from the wall, to inside.

They wasted no time putting Zane on a soft bed and restraining his arms and legs when he wouldn't stay still or stop screaming. "Stop stop! I'm trying to help! Just let me die! It would be best if I die already can't you see!" Zane screamed in a panic.

"Damn it can't we sedate him?"

"Forcing him into sleep mode could cause more problems in his state"

"He's moving to much, I can't put the core in"

"I got it. Nya get the restraints!"

Zane didn't know who was speaking but he did know more restraints were being added. One strapped under his shoulders and one on his stomach, holding his chest still.

Jay was able to patch him up. Zane's protest were ignored as was his thrashing. Most people were kicked out by Jay but Pixal and Wu stayed, trying to comfort him. He didn't hear the words but ignored it all, kept looking at Pixals face, beautiful and crying.

"Pixal's I'm so sorry. I was just trying to help, you'd be so much better without me. I was just trying to help. I'm not a good person Pixal. I hurt people, a lot of people. Their are better people out their. Let them replace me, please." He begged and begged, hoping to let her understand. She only cried harder.

"Pixal, he's stable. Put him to sleep." She let out a sigh of relief before leaning into Zane.

"I love you." She whispered as she kissed him on the forehead, before flipping his switch, putting him asleep.

He woke up restrained, but not as much as before. The bonds were loosened, allowing him to sit up. His chest was bound tightly with white cloths. At first his vision was fuzzy but his vision cleared to see two figures.

"Pixal? Cyrus? When did you get here?"

"Oh my son I'm so glad to see you awake! How are you feeling?" It took Zane a second to answer the question.

"I'm sore I think? It's all a bit foggy." He tried to raise his hand to his head but the bindings wouldn't let him. Fortunately Pixal was over in seconds, to dote on her boyfriend. 

"Oh never scare me like that again! Thank goodness you called my father or we wouldn't have gotten to you in time."

"I still don't understand. Why did you stop me?" Pixal let out a devastated gasp. Zane wasn't sure why she was so compassionate and for once he wished she wasn't.

"Pixals if I may" Cyrus spoke up, forcing a smile in Zane's direction. "My boy, you know your quite smart correct?"

"Yes?"

"But even you are not infallible. You may think you are being logical with your actions, try to save others from you but in reality you're hurting them even more. Do you understand?"

"Pleas Zane never do that again!" Pixal begged as she wrapped him in a bear hug.

"I don't understand" Zane whispered, more to himself than anyone else. Pixal hugged even tighter.

"Don't you know how much you mean to me? To all of us? Don't you know how much we would miss you? You're not just some tool to be replaced Zane. You're as human as me, or my father, or sensei Wu or any of your brothers. Stop talking about yourself like you're worthless, like a hammer or axe or something!" She started crying hard, sobbing in his chest.

"My boy, you're not exactly well. Sensei Wu thinks you need somewhere safer, somewhere you won't be left alone or babysat the entire time. Pixal's is going to be moving back into Borg tower, and I believe it would be in your best interest to come along, so I'm extending the invitation to you. We'll have people that can help you and the other ninja will be able to visit. What do you say?"

"I don't understand while you're being so nice to me. I don't understand any of this."

"My boy, we all care about you. You've been through a lot and are understandably traumatized. You need help Zane. Come with us to the tower. We can help you." Zane still didn't understand why they wanted to help or why the cared, he just couldn't bear making Pixal cry again.

"Alright, I except."


End file.
